Saturday, September 03, 2011

Dear Walla Walla Union-Bulletin,

You suck.

My aunt Genevieve died in July of this year. Unfortunately I didn't think to look up her obituary online (I don't want to bug my mother for a copy, if she even has one) until today.

I looked it up today. Since she died in July and not sometime this week, you want me to pay to subscribe to your dumb newspaper - either online or in real life or both - to view all of her obituary, instead of just the stuff I already knew about her.

I don't live in Walla Walla. I did live in Walla Walla for about three months twenty years ago, and got out of there as soon as I could find my way out. I have no desire to ever live there again (not that it isn't lovely).

I don't want to subscribe to your newspaper, since all I'd be doing it for is to check the obituary section when my other two aunts die. Which is kind of a morbid reason to subscribe to anything.

That, and I'm not interested in Walla Walla news. Sorry.

I just want to look at my aunt's obituary. I don't want to pay to do it.

It would take less than five minutes for me to read it, and probably copy and paste it to my genealogy computer program. That's not worth a subscription.

It would be more cost-efficient to drive to Walla Walla and visit either your public library and view their archives (provided they don't also suck) or your local hoarder population, risking my life and health as I rifle through their dysfunction to locate the newspaper copy in question.

So, you suck.

Thanks for hearing me.

It is my sincere hope that you will suck considerably less in the future -